Of Jam-Sticky Kisses and Salt-Stained Shoulders

May 8, 2014 § Leave a comment

I’ve heard that CEOs and other corporate big guns have specific sets of skills to make their businesses run smoothly and successfully. They get big paychecks and bonuses. They get to tell people what to do and it gets done — no sass, no backtalk (not in earshot, anyway). They get to shower every day and have a regular meal around noon or so. They even get a minimum of two weeks where they don’t have to even show up for their job and still get paid for it.
CEOs and other executive types, however, don’t have to adjust their skillset on an almost daily, sometimes hourly basis. They don’t arrive at the office first thing in the morning and have to deal with an employee’s tantrum. Not usually, anyway. And if they do it’ll be a one-time—two times tops—kind of thing. They get to have full conversations—in one sitting!—without having to wipe a nose or excuse themselves to investigate that crash in the other room.
Stay at home moms? The skills you employ change daily, hourly, by the minute.

Sure you can discipline your charges, but only for one minute of every year they’ve been around.  You can write them up. (Dear Santa: Can we talk about your Naughty List for a moment?) You provide a generous income (Cheerio nibblies, healthy meals, a place to lay their heads — with bars all around, but whatever). Other than poop, drool and the occasional shriek, though, they produce nothin’.

The thing is, in no other occupation do you get jam-sticky kisses, damp salt-stained shoulders or boogers smeared on your chest as a regular part of your work day.
In my experience, no other benefits package has ever been so generous.

Here’s to you, SAHMs. If I could I’d pour you a glass of wine, put your feet up and provide you with your favorite movie/book/trashy magazine and give you that one damn moment of peace you’ve been looking for so you can rest up and do the whole thing again tomorrow.

Happy Mothers’ Day.


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